Google doesn’t always help

Well this probably won’t be an amusing, positive blog this evening. Why you ask out there in blogisphere?
I am suffering tonight with the common issue many of us women deal with monthly. This issue wasn’t one I ever had to deal with before children. Seriously. I was even keeled all month long and used to mock women who complained of said infliction, thinking they were using it as a crutch. How very shocking that an egomaniac with an inferiority complex would think like that!!
Oh Dear Julie you ask, what could this mysterious ailment be?

How do I know this is my lot in life today? Because I came very very close to murdering my dog. I felt the need to punish the bejeepers outta the mutt who ate my lovely pork tenderloin dinner I’d set aside for myself to be eaten after I returned from my meeting tonight.
When I entered the house I looked towards the kitchen and just knew something was amiss. I felt this instant anger overcoming me, the hair on my arms raised, the dread. What could have happened…is that rice on my floor? why is there garbage all over? Why is my plate …oh NO SHE DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RAGE……a rage which was so disproportionate to the situation I couldn’t have shared it with anyone at that moment.

Deep breath!!!!! Assess the situation. Stand still, don’t move and breathe. Okay it’s funny I admit it. You have to understand I love this dog, she’s awesome but it’s totally love/hate at times like these.
So there I am seething, standing stock still in my kitchen trying to breathe and doing a quick 4th step (not very well) but trying to calm myself. I grabbed paper towel to clear the remnants of my succulent sauce off the counter only to find the sticky rice is flicking around instead of going into a pile as I wanted. Rice is a pain in the butt!
More rage and now tears are coming…sniff sniff. Must…..Clean….teeth clenched and trudge away.
Counter finally cleaned I left the floor (can’t bend) and went to gently wake my darling husband, the man of my dreams, the best friend I’ve ever had, the ONE whom God chose for me. He works nights and was trying to get a few winks before he had to leave. So in I come and it was not so nice of a wake up for him as I ranted about the bloody dog.
Of course the kitchen gets cleaned, the dog spoken to (yeah cuz that’s effective when she doesn’t know what she did 5 minutes ago…evolution…pfft) and I’m relaxing when I realize this reaction I am having to the dog and to the people sharing at the meeting could be PMS.
So what do I do about this situation?
Why seek an immediate solution of course!!
K now I am annoyed and repeating the serenity prayer, asking God to lift this selfish anger from me.
So I google Bible verse PMS….not so helpful…The Please Memorize Scripture site was of no help believe it or not….see where I’m heading here folks?
So I found the following verse, which to me says to get over myself and it’s ok to have emotion but keep them grounded in reality and don’t dwell on them:
 Psalm 42:5 “Why are you downcast o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? For I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my Lord.”
I don’t really have a point but mehh thought I’d share.
Oh and here’s a picture I drew, it is how I was brought to understand who Jesus is to me.

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4 Responses

  1. What a great looking dog. But as you say, 5 minutes later they have no clue what it's all about. Pork tenderloin dinner, yum.. Ah! PMS…no more for me. For many years now. I was so glad when that day came. Menopause was pretty easy for me, so it was many days of celebration. And, yes you are the Julie I followed last night. I checked back to your group of followers and saw me twice, so I deleted what I thought was one, but then couldn't find me again. I'll get it all together one day.

  2. He can lead us from mess to message every time, if we're looking for the message not a way to define the mess :oPLuke 10I had a similar experience early in sobriety. 2 dogs, 1 garbage basket pulled from the counter and strewn about the house on a particularly bad day. After reacting in anger (manhandled the dogs out the back door and slammed it behind me) I realized what I had done, remorse…they're not capable of realizing anything other than dog nature says, "get smelly thing, eat it"As I sat there sobbing the dogs had somehow miraculously gotten back into the house, Grog put his little head in my lap and I was undone. God's like that. No matter what I've done, how much of a mess I make, somehow, if I come back to his lap, like a kid looking for help and love, he does… he is… Dad, the one who always loves me. I just keep trying to remember that I am his kid, and so are all those others. His creations to love. Him to worship.

  3. Oh, I never, ever got angry before like I do now that we've got a kid. Unfortunately, it's usually my husband I'm angry at. Perhaps we should get a dog.

  4. Funny… yes, in the haha sense (only because I could picture this happening and could relate so well to the feelings and the reactions you were having) but also in the "that's odd" sense … You know, for someone who doesn't have a "point" you make a very good one: just because we have a relationship with God doesn't mean that life is all butterflies and sunshine. Stuff happens, we get upset. But it is okay to feel what we feel, and then let it pass through our fingers instead of holding on to it. Today is today; tomorrow will be a new today. Body, mind and spirit co-exist and affect each other, and that's okay too as long as we recognize it for what it is.And you gotta envy (or learn from?) an animal that lives that much in the moment as a dog does. BTW, I love Wendy Francisco's video GoD and DoG (it's on YouTube). Hope today is a better today than that other day. (grin)

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