Being Honest Sucks!

I haven’t been entirely honest…..

My husband has pointed out that I’m not really telling “all” here on my blog, that I’m skimming over some aspects of who I am and holding back. Believe me when I say that this has led to challenging conversations between us, I love the fact that he is able to be direct with me but oh it does sting at times. Imagine me sitting with him, listening to his point of view….my stomach in knots, feeling over-protective of my little writing space….believe it or not I didn’t raise my voice or use my favorite profanities once during our discussions….gold star for me!

Hearing the truth sucked because I had been avoiding it. I do share a lot of myself here, in fact I know it’s made some people in my “real” life uncomfortable, heck they’ve told me directly and even asked not to be included in my articles here. I get that, there ARE some aspects of my life which are off-limits; you’ll never read anything about my sex-life, anything which would damage someone in my life or jeopardize someone’s privacy. I don’t write drunk-a-logs nor will I ever write about the ongoing legal issues resulting from my car accident (no matter how great the articles would be!).

Sounds like I have a pretty good hold on my limits doesn’t it? Except they’re going to expand, I hate to admit it but my husband is correct. Anyone who tells him I wrote that should fear for their lives…just sayin.

Apparently I’ve been toeing the line, believe it or not I’m serious!

I’ve been cautious…not fearful but almost non-committal with my views on subjects which I’m passionate about. I’ve felt the urge to write about certain situations but lazily watched the opportunities pass by. By simply omitting these topics I’ve steered any challenging conversations away from me, in turn this makes sure I’m not ruffling feathers.

You see, I began this blog as a journal for my recovery to help me remember it. Over time I decided to try and expand my readership from the recovery area into a more main-stream audience. I wanted to get my message across all demographics, to remove the stigma from alcoholism and show people that they can improve their lives…..that fear is just a feeling and we CAN overcome it.

Coming into the mainstream and loudly proclaiming that I’m an alcoholic was strange at first, both for me and my new readers. I believe you all have gotten to know me and frankly I’ve gotten comfortable with you all. I must be comfy if I’m sharing my Christmas stories, my negative internal thoughts, my pain and my failings as a mother with you.

Comfortable is a GOOD feeling, what the hell am I doing risking losing it?

Well between my husband’s much-too-bloody-true comments and Single Dad Laughing’s post I am feeling convicted.

Convicted…now there’s a good word but it’s a pain-in-the-rump when you get the actual feeling. I use that word when I feel something in my gut, when my heart is screaming at me to do something I don’t want to.

In this case I am feeling like I have to open myself up more here, I have to share my views on things that matter. Yes I’ll still be writing about my meandering everyday happenings, sharing fab products when I can and revealing what inspires me….but you’re going to get the rest of me as well.

There is more you know, I’m not simply this dashing, witty vixen I appear to be.

There is a side of me who gets ticked off, who has strong views on people who milk the system, the judgmental folks who live in glass houses….I have views on things which I haven’t shared here and from here on in I will.

This is your warning….this is my coming out, I promise to keep it clean, to refrain from using the foul words my potty-mouth wants to, I will ensure I’m respectful but from here on out I will not hold back….I am going to share myself as I state: “Straight Up!”

Because this Alcoholic, Christian, Wife, Mother, Friend….well she just can’t waste time pussy-footing around. I will write about the hard topics I spend time thinking about and I do hope you’ll be here for the ride…..especially if we disagree, the conversations could be enlightening on all sides.

What do you think, is this a good start…are you ready for this ride?

Thanks to Hubby and to Dan at Single Dad Laughing, you’re both jerks for inspiring me to take the plunge….but I appreciate that!

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39 Responses

  1. This post just made me laugh… I look forward to reading more of what you’ve written, and more of what you will write. Thanks for being a voice for recovery for all peoples.

  2. Julie, ten stars for you. I’m so excited that the deeper and more poignant truths are going to start coming out.

    It’s scary as hell, yes.

    But you’re about to embark on a ride that you’ll never regret. Ever. :)

    You can call me a jerk any day of the week if it means the world will hear more of the real you.

  3. Well color me Impressed as I sit here typing from within my glass house. Geez, I would love to have a glass house. Maybe once these kids are gone. But then again, I hate to do windows, so….
    Where was I? Oh right!
    Hey listen, I’m all for revealing one’s soul so good for you.
    I’m glad that you added being respectful because as a Christian, you must.
    Sorry for gettin’ all Jesus Freak on you. That happens sometimes. You just bring out the best in me!
    m.

    1. Well Mark that Christian bit was what’s been holding me back…frankly I think I freak people out with my Jesus talk and didn’t want to push the envelope too far. I hope to create discussion….not just fling my opinion around, we’ll see how that goes

  4. As a Christian I sometimes skirt real issues as I am very non-confrontational and I don’t want to have a bunch of hate mail. I am very sensitive and it would bother me for months. That said when I am trying to write something and doing my best to keep my real strong opinion out of it, I find that it is hard to write. I labour over it, and then when it’s done I am not happy. When I go for it, I find it comes easy, because this is who I am and how I feel. I have been fortunate to have real support for those. People don’t always agree, and I don’t expect them to, but since I try to be respectful of others feelings, I find they are respectful of mine.

    I can’t wait to see what you will write about!

    1. That’s the key isn’t it, writing respectfully….hopefully I’ll be able to do that in a way which generates conversations and people don’t just leave

  5. I’d love to read some “meaty” paragraphs and sentences. I’ve always enjoyed your blogs. I’ve read them for some time now. You have changed and grown.

  6. Wow, you’ve obviously been hiding behind such a timid nature…..ok hadn’t noticed that! Find you spunky online and IRL! Looking forward to seeing what else is up your sleeve :)

  7. Those are the best blogs! I love it when people voice their opinions, after all if we were all the same life would be boring! Can’t wait to read your honesty stories, rants and raves even with profanity which I can be known for! Bring on the discussions:)

  8. Man don’t you hate it when hubby’s are right?!?! I have one like that too, one that knows me better then I know myself sometimes, you can push me to be and do better.
    Love that you are able to open up with us and share so much with us and can’t wait to hear more.
    XOXO

  9. I recently heard my ex fiance has had alcohol addiction problems. I heard she is in recovery, but it is still strange to me that she still cannot confront the parental interference that was in our relationship. She still suppresses a lot, and being apart for years now, I’d be egotistical to think our relationship triggered any escapism, but it seems like this is the one thing she cannot confront. Her parents still hold a lot of discontent with me. They ignore and deny a lot, and still believe in their vilifications of me. I’ve heard her father actually changed a letter I wrote to make be look even worse to his family. It is that bad. I think that puts her in a position where she has to go along with them, or lose the support of her family.

    We had a ‘The Notebook’ type relationship, not rich/poor, but with worse parental interference, that took a toll on our relationship and I pulled a Noah and regrettably left feeling unworthy. I haven’t handled the perception of misjudgment, and the denial well… and I have done some unsavory things (the website shows the mask I wear) like send the occassional email to remind them. Some of that is the depression of lost love, some of it is that confined feeling of wrongful judgment… which only matters because my heart is still with her.

    I just want her and her family to be honest about what we went through. To acknowledge what occurred. If her addiction is related to our relationship, then she can’t keep holding it in. That will only make it worse.

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