I’m inclined not to post this, just as I used to be inclined to put on a show to divert attention from the cracks in my facade that “everything was good”.
So of course I’ll write out this blog which would be easier not to type and hit publish before I give it time to sink in.
I don’t want fanfare or kudos, I do want prayers.
I admit defeat.
 I’ve know I’m powerless over cigarettes in my heart for years but am today strong enough to face it. Through the last year and a bit I’ve had times where I’ve considered quitting, even going to the effort to go to the Doctor to enquire about a prescription to aid me in it. My doctor couldn’t prescribe me anything due to the car accident injuries etc, she is of the feeling that it could muddy my mind’s performance and the symptoms could get mistreated.
When I was growing up my folks smoked alot, like the gray haze hot boxing the car as we drove.
I hated smoking and NEVER wanted to do it.
Then at 18 I tried it and for some stupid reason which eludes me I kept doing it.
I’ve quit with pregnancies and just waited until I could begin again.
I quit once because hubby wanted to and then we had a romantic weekend away in Montreal (the smoking capital of Canada I think) and we began smoking again.
But tomorrow is just for me.
I don’t want to be powerless over ANY substance.
I’ve been praying hard and believe that I CAN beat this addiction.
I am afraid that this will be harder than alcohol because it’s something I do everyday, many times a day. It’s something I turn to during stress, discomfort, boredom well honestly I do it for too many reasons to list.
But I’m sick of it.
I just went through my pics to try and find a photo of me smoking to post on here but I cannot find any. Is that strange to you? For a woman who smokes like a chimney there’s not ONE single pic?
It’s not strange to me, there’s no photos of me with wine in my hand either.
I am good like that, if I ignore things enough they’re not a problem right?
So it’s time, I’m as ready now as I will be anytime. I am going to use the tools AA has given me and the strength of God for this battle.
I’ve set myself up for success, got the patch, removed the cigs, talked with hubby and prayed.
One Day at a Time I reclaim myself.

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10 Responses

  1. You have the power within! God has given us the tools. Even if sometimes we fall of the cart or feel empty inside and alone. He always is right one to pick us up:) It will not be easy but get strength from others (positive feed back) You are a wonder person and can do wonders. You should be very proud of yourself and your family. I will always be here if need anything … even if it is a ear to listen. God BlessLouise Rennick

  2. Best of luck to you!! I know its not the same, but I am seriously addicted to sodas (have been for 21yrs now) and I plan to quit this month as well. Im scared, I truly think it WILL be harder then alcohol. They dont have recovery centers for soda addicts I can attend and get counseling for LOL. Hang in there!!! You CAN DO THIS

  3. It can be done. I'm not a smoker (I always have said, an ACTIVE smoker) I grew up in a home where everybody smoked. I sang in clubs where everybody smoked. But I never actively started because I wanted to sing. My sister did. She smoked for many years. Stopped for 5 years about 15 years ago, then started again for another 5. But she hasn't smoked now for 10 years. I'm told that giving up smoking is more difficult than giving up drinking. By people who have done both. I was the drinker. I'll be praying for you..

  4. Well, you're going to get it from me anyway…kudos to you!Willingness is the key and it sounds to me like you have the willingness.One day at a time :)(Yay, Julie!)

  5. I smoked up to a pack a day in college, and then one day I just quit. Cold turkey. I smoke an occasional cigar now and then but no cigs. Take it one day at a time. Just one 24 hour smoke free day at a time. It worked with alcohol, it just may work with smoking. I've heard people say that giving up smoking was worse than giving up alcohol, but you are a survivor and you know that if you really want to do something you can. I will be cheering you on….

  6. Thank you all for your posts, today was a good day but I am experience a horrific headache and chest rash which I can only equate to the patch.So I won't wear it. My desire for a cig was drastically lower today.I am reading a book referred to me by a fantastic friend which helped him quit after trying anything. It is The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. And praying, hard.

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