Nods of understanding from strangers

This morning I was sitting with my 7 year old daughter, she watching TV and me reading blogs.
Normally we would be at church now but with the time change, the kids actually sleeping in and us adults neglecting to set alarms we missed both services today.
So here we sit, my daughter naked as a Jay bird (her favorite way to be) and me taking the time to finally read the blogs I dig while enjoying a coffee.
On comes a commercial which has whatever product that is the newest, bestest thing EVER!!
Of course I’m not paying attention, in my defence there’s only so many episodes of Wizards of Waverly Place I can handle before I want to jam a pencil in my eye.
What does this 7 year old do when she realizes that I’ve missed the commercial for the Must Have Item?
She recreates the commercial in it’s entirety for me, using actions and song.
I am amused and it shows so I am admonished for not paying attention, “It’s not a funny part Mum”.
The commercial show is repeated.
This 7 year old knows her audience and was ensuring her message got across, irrelevant of the fact that she was naked and my obvious amusement with her and disinterest in the product.
I got the message.
I love that she was sensitive to her audience and although very direct in her methods she got my attention back where she needed it to be.
Last night I spoke at an open AA meeting.
It was a meeting which was out of my town, I only knew a few people who were there and was feeling really honored to have been asked.
Yesterday I spent time in prayer, asking for the words which God wanted me to share, for the audience to have open minds and to hear the message God wanted them to.
Gearing up for speaking is a funny time for me, what will I wear? Is my bra strap showing? Should I drink coffee or water while up there? Do I have anything in my teeth…you get the drift.
So there I sit in front of my fellow AAers self consciously speaking about “How It Was”, retelling my younger years and just not feeling it. It felt like I was just reciting it, not feeling anything. When I looked at the people I could tell they weren’t feeling it either.
I’ve been feeling this way since my migraine last week, just utterly disconnected.
So deep inside I took a breath after about 10 minutes of speaking, asked God again to take my WILL and provide the words and emotions to touch someone….anyone.
Something amazing happened inside of me, I felt something….I felt the need to talk specifically about my car accident recovery and AA’s part in that.
Normally in the past when I’ve spoken I’ve spoken about my drinking, how it progressed, how it was as a Mum who thought she was just a Party Girl yet was derailing quickly. I spoke about how all of that felt, finding myself in the past year and the personal challenges.
Last night I did touch on that but the focus within myself quickly became how AA has given me the tools to deal with losing my identity due to the car accident, losing my physical abilities, job, hobbies etc. Slowly I felt that feeling, the connection with the people I was speaking to, I saw these strangers nodding their heads, heard the chuckles which tell me they can relate.
I related how grateful I am that God guided me through the doors to recovery a few weeks before the accident.
6 months before my sober date I’d been through the doors of AA, bought the book, read it and thought I got it so didn’t bother attending meetings. I had stopped drinking for a few months and of course when I did drink again my disease had progressed.
So Feb. 6, 2010 I went back through those doors and truly listened. I absorbed everything I could and was truly ready to admit defeat and turn it all over to God, I was humble for the first time.
20 days later I was in the car accident.
Did God know that I wouldn’t slow down my life without the accident?
I don’t know but I have accepted that God is using me for His purpose, that these events have been for a greater good.
If that greater good is my sobriety I’m glad.
I am glad that last night God taught me this during my speaking, while I was sharing with others I learned this.
I also learned that when I speak at these meetings my understanding of myself grows.

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7 Responses

  1. Thank you ladies ;)And Jess, it's so unfortunate that my stilettos and bedazzled shimmy suits have been hung up since the accident. Friday nights here at the house haven't seen pole action in a while ;)

  2. Surrender is such a huge part of recovery and not everyone understands that…yet. I know they will be brought there eventually, but I always love it when I read something or hear someone speak of their process of surrender. Thanks for being of service and being *real.*

  3. I wish I could hear you speak. You are an inspiration to so many people. You sobered up and then were dealt a perfect reason to drink, yet you didn't and you don't just talk the talk you walk the walk. Not to mention you make me laugh, I have watched my share of "wizards of Waverly Place" and if you want to stick a pen in your eye try a "Hannah Montanna" marathon!!!!!!

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