Mommy Bloggers

Mommy Bloggers Remember Your Etiquette

The World of Mommy Bloggers is vast. With differing topics, backgrounds and dreams we come to you and lay it out for the world to see. With platforms like Twitter, Facebook, Google + available to us what we write lives on and often precedes us.

There is power in this; power which we can choose to use for our purposes or misuse if we happen to overlook it. The life of a blogger is often a busy one, balancing family and life responsibilities while managing bloggy things can be difficult to say the least. We do our best simply because we love blogging.

As one blogs over time, streamlining their brands it becomes a part of who they are. For many people they’ve finally found their life’s dream, perhaps their identity?

Cue the glittery stars and uplifting music as we picture a woman becoming empowered.

Mommy Bloggers Aren’t All The Same

Here we have our hypothetical empowered woman who is engaged with the online community, let’s call her Rita. Rita has amassed a network of contacts with fellow bloggers and brands. Rita feels confident in her circle and works every day/night to populate her blog with fabulous content for her readers and even runs giveaways to give her fans a chance to win.

Let’s just say that Rita is a friendly, warm person who works hard and leave it at that. One day Rita hears that there is a list being sold by a PR firm which includes blogger’s information. The list includes what she considers private information such as a home addresses, phone numbers, numbers and ages of children etc.

Let’s leave Rita for a moment and head over to another hypothetical blogger who we’ll name Blanche. Blanche has also worked diligently to build her blog’s audience and establish relationships with brands. When Rita hears about the blogger info list being sold she’s not surprised. In her mind we all are open to having our information out there when we choose to be active on the internet.

We have two very different points of view, now as bloggers one would think we could agree to disagree without stooping to bash one another right?

What Happens When Mommy Bloggers Disagree

Well in a perfect world bloggers wouldn’t feel the need for the mean girl mentality to come out, alas we don’t live in that world.

One would also think that a blogger realizes that their words precede them, and can be misunderstood if not carefully thought out.

Back to our scenario. Rita goes online and conveys her dismay with her information being public. She writes something like “Cannot believe XX company has sold bloggers private info, #prfail”.

Blanche reads this and many other posts and tweets from bloggers who are aghast. She is very irritated, thinking to herself “What the heck did these people think when they put their addresses online?” Blanche sees value in her name being passed to other PR agencies for business purposes and isn’t worried about them having her addresses.

Mommy Bloggers Scream

So what does Blanche do? Well she begins responding in a positive manner, stating that this isn’t a unique practice and that such lists have been sold for years. Blanche points out the value in PR companies having information etc. Feeling quite good about sharing her view she is surprised when people don’t get it. Instead of seeing and agreeing with her views they continue stating that they felt it was an invasion of privacy and talks of litigation are being initiated.

Truly irritated Blanche continues to respond but her online tone has changed. She’s now presenting herself as condescending with comments along the lines of “Mommy bloggers wonder why they have a bad name. Tantrums about PR lists maybe?” or using words like “Ridiculous” and “Get Over It”.

Let’s put ourselves in Rita’s shoes for a minute, what do you think she thinks of Blanche’s response or anyone else who reads these comments for that matter?

Mommy Bloggers Slamming Each Other Is Unattractive

In the end, irrelevant of the topic I happen to believe there is NO value in slamming someone else to make my point. By being negative on a personal level we’ve essentially negated the value of our perspective.

I would find it very difficult to become enlightened by someone who was calling my worries ridiculous. Rather than choosing to become offensive with my comments couldn’t I make my point in a constructive way?

This happens all the time in the world of bloggers, we see people who have differing views bashing each other unnecessarily. There are even bloggers and brands who are taking screen shots of one another, covertly saving and sharing emails and private conversations; compelling evidence in order to protect themselves in future if necessary.

When does the madness end?

When will we reach the stage where high-school antics cease?Mommy Bloggers Unite

I’m calling out to you bloggers to man up and get in the ring with your big girl panties on. Bring with you your talents, your gifts, your quirks and have confidence. With this confidence add a bit of compassion, professionalism and insight to human behaviour.

I guarantee you this bloggy world is quite small, when we’re viewing someone in a poor light let’s keep it to ourselves and if necessary present our opinion in a dignified manner which can be respected.

Once again our words precede us and that image/brand we’ve worked hard to establish can be ruined with just one interaction…..because our words leave lasting impressions.

Come on now, let’s have a group hug and bring the integrity back to the craft we all love.

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33 Responses

  1. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-men. I am really tired of the mean girl mentality. Where do people think telemarketers get our information from? Sold lists. If you want privacy and you’re a blogger, you’re kind of in the wrong business.

  2. Good post. Timely (actually, it will always be timely) and relevant and important. This is what really struck me:

    “There are even bloggers and brands who are taking screen shots of one another, covertly saving and sharing emails and private conversations; compelling evidence in order to protect themselves in future if necessary.”

    You’re 100% right. It is a sad and stressful aspect of the blogging world. I find it very disheartening and disappointing. And embarrassing, to a degree.

  3. Group hug! LOL. The blogging world IS the real world. Which means Mean Girls still exist. I love how you differentiate opinions because not all “mommy bloggers” have the same opinion or comportment. With lists being sold, it’s happened for decades and most of it was public record. I find the best way to deal with it is to not feed into the situation, mob mentality can’t happen if you don’t allow it.

  4. The mean girl mentality that comes up in the blog world makes me want to run far, far away. I dealt with enough of it while growing up and I’m ready to be done with it. Great post Julie! Very well written.

  5. Great post Julie! I personally have not been bashed (yet) by other bloggers nor have I bashed anyone. I hope it remains this way!

    This is a business that we are in. And though we may not work together in an office building, reporting to the same manager, our professionalism should be that as if we were. I hope your post circulates this message well!

  6. Excellent points, Julie. I hate seeing rude or nasty comments on social media too. We all have unique views on various situations (and different comfort levels with our privacy online), and that doesn’t mean we need to bash each other. We can respect those views and keep working together. :)

  7. Unfortunately this is not something that is new, in the “real” world or the online world. I briefly touched on it at a conference I sat on a panel for a couple of years ago. Life would go so much better if we’d just learn to be supportive of one another, which includes our differences. Actually… I think it’s worse in the online world because people have screens to hide behind and it may be easier to forget the people on the other end are human too. I long for that perfect world…

  8. It’s so funny because after I disassociated myself from “groups” and “cliques” my blog improved and my friendships became more meaningful. It was only at that time where I realized who my friends were and those who were using me for “contacts”. I love sharing my insights with people, but if they are using me to pick my brain or stir the crap, I don’t want or need those friendships in my life. This is a business….yes, blogging is a business. In my consulting business, I wouldn’t be running to a fierce competitor and giving my contact list to them. Nor, would I give my client a list of my competitors. That’s just stupid business.

    Like any business, there are good people to know in the industry and their are ruthless slime balls. Sometimes you just don’t fit in. The only advice I can give to bloggers is to be your authentic self and don’t sweat over the “technicalities” of being part of the industry. You can either choose to listen to it or do like Blackberry and “Move Forward”

  9. Too often blogging can be compared to high school. Catty behavior, competition and jealousy. I think we should all agree to disagree when we can not see eye to eye. I am so happy you posted this .

    Twitter is a playground for this kind of stuff and in a perfect world we would be drama free

  10. Etiquette? Really? If you’re talking about breeding and proper procedure, I believe that we all have a right to our opinions. If you’re worried about etiquette, then why respond at all…with a status update, tweet, or even a post. It would be a very sad world if we all thought the same way. It is our differences and opinions that make for an interesting, COLORFUL life. To even entertain the option of not being able to express one’s self for fear of judgement by other bloggers is against everything that our forefathers fought for.

    1. Zippy perhaps I’m missing your point but I actually think we’re on the same page. I’m not saying that we cannot state our opinions what I’m asking is that we do it without a tone that would imply condescension.

  11. I loved this post!

    There is too much drama in the real world and online… the fact of the matter is.. nobody is going to agree with what you have to say 100% of the time.. personally I would LOVE if my name was on the list. LOL. To me it woul d be great to have recognition like that.. but I can understand how people could be put off by it.

  12. Wonderful… Let’s aim high in our regard for one another. When we don’t ‘get the other point of view’ let’s not make an opinion of it. As for me, I learned long ago that my opinions rarely – even never – give LIFE!

  13. Thank you for sharing this Julie.

    I have been somewhat discouraged when I see things like this happening. So I tend to stay away from it.

    Just wish everyone would be kind to one another.

  14. I feel kinda bad because I posted the topic of discussion in a group (ahem) but it was to enlighten and share. We all have our own opinions, life isn’t about agreeing, it’s about disagreeing and disagreements can be beneficial if you look at them the right way. Having a different opinion from someone can lead to insight you might not otherwise have engaged in or even considered. It’s a chance to grow and flourish and learn. However I see not everyone feels that way and no matter what in this life — there will always be the means girls who write notes and say things behind your back. That will never change :(

  15. My Mama taught me to use my manners and I believe very strongly there are very few instances in life when you should ever be caught without manners. Blogging is all about manners. Too few people exercise them and that is sad. If we wish to be taken seriously as a media force and as business people then we don’t post rants out of misguided passion and we think things through first. Every word reflects on your blog and your business. Well stated Julie!

  16. As a new blogger, your post is really helpful to me. I’m truly starting to learn what a small place social media makes the world! Thanks for the dose of good, common sense!

  17. Unfortunately, you could post this repeatedly about any number of blogging related topics — PR lists, invites to events, blogging conferences, etc. People get catty. People don’t think. Emotions get involved and then it all goes down hill…quickly. There are a few things that we all need to remember — “everyone is intitled to their own opinion”, “an opinion isn’t wrong — just different” and “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”

  18. Well said Julie. As you know I represent a brand you are working with. Personally, I never intend on selling my list and even if I did I would certainly not sell their home addresses, however lets say hypothetically I did. In this unlikely event it would be to another PR firm who would simply use it to offer products for review which is essentially what the blogger would want any ways.

    It’s nice to see content on a blog in this niche other than a review or giveaway. Keep up the good work! Your doing very well!

  19. I am not a blogger, just a Mom who follows my favourite Bloggers. So when I saw this post RT by one of my favourites I read it. What I take away from this post is that to have Blogger “etiquette” is to barely disguise the bloggers involved in a very specific recent exchange of opinions, and instead of taking the higher road or having the guts to speak PRIVATELY to that or those person(s), that I should instead get the last say by writing a post under the guise of promoting blogger “etiquette”. Do not take this as me taking sides in this particular issue. I think it is aweful that personal information is shared or sold without your permission. I also believe that sadly this is a risk in your line of business. Also, I believe everyone has the right to their opinions and to share them. I in turn will make my decsions about those people based on their opinions and their choice of when and how to share them.
    I think you need to follow your own advice. Had you written a post about the 10 rules of Netiquette or Blogger etiquette with without reference to this incident I would have been high fiving you sharing and RT. My respect for you and your professionalism would have increased dramatically. I know I but one person and you may not care what I think about you or your post, but the ones add up.
    I have seen resent examples by bloggers who responded to tweets that might have ended like this, but instead responded with such smooth professionalism that the conversation ended there.
    Please remember your followers are not unsophisticated, and we are fully capable of seeing through this nonsence for ourselves. This is just my opinion for what it worth.

    1. I appreciate you commenting Cathy but want to point out that I have not “barely disguised” anyone. This post isn’t about simply one person or interaction. This is indicative of a number of situations and I have no idea why you’d ever think I view my readers as unsophisticated.
      I value my readers and although we may have a difference of opinion in this matter apparently I do invite dialogue such as this and welcome being redirected if I’m incorrect.

  20. Unfortunately is this situation, there weren’t simple #prfail messages being sent. Mom Bloggers face obstacles every day when we are trying to present ourselves as professional and serious business women. When some of our counterparts jump online and post things like “Don’t piss off the mommy bloggers!” and start making idle threats in the name of all mom bloggers… people are likely to react, especially those who take this profession very seriously. Like you said, we’re all different and while one person may jump on a PR facebook page and make sweeping statements in the name of mom bloggers, another may post on twitter to show she doesn’t share those views. They’re both entitled to their opinions and reactions, just as you are with this blog post and I am with my comment…any of which can be perceived as causing “drama”, when really we’re all just expressing our opinions.

  21. I love some of the differing opinions expressed in this thread. It’s really a subjective topic, what you see as appropriate I may not and the other way around. I sometimes see things (in the blogging world an beyond) that appall me but others seem to think is perfectly ok while other times I wonder what all the fuss is about. I do, however, think far too often we take a passive aggressive approach (and I’m guilty of it at times) and talk in general terms, using blogs or social media as a platform, when perhaps we should be more personal and address things head on if we really do find it bothersome.

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