Self Improvement, CFM Boots & God

I wrote this a year ago and it’s still one of my favorite posts.

Dancing shoes you say?? I say YES!!!

Don’t all women have a favorite pair of shoes? I certainly did. They changed over time but irrelevant of which pair they were, whether they were the red sexy strappy shoes or my black high heeled boots I just felt FABULOUS in them. I may not have been able to get an instantly flat tummy but my butt certainly got an inch higher ! They were like surface value self-improvement in over-drive.

My girlfriends would come by for pre-girls night out drinks and we would get ready while sipping away. These girls nights generally consisted of the pre-party then onto a bar where we would dance the night away until we felt like we were 20 again. I was always running late, everyone knew that if we had called a cab for 10 they would have to get me moving at 9:50 because I’d be chatting with a bowl of red wine in my hand with no clue of time. Once reminded, I would rush to funk out my hair, get my makeup applied, throw some clothes on and run to the front door.

Where were my boots? Which ones hubby would ask….and in a voice which only he can possibly do to perfection (mocking to say the least)….”yur dancin’ shoes?? On the evenings when the pre-party was short I could usually find my footware myself, but more often than not hubby would produce them from thin air after I searched for what seemed an hour. RELIEF. Now I could be “myself” and dance up a storm.

How is it that I couldn’t dance without the boots? Isn’t that the question of all time? I had a million reasons to get evil when I couldn’t find my footwear of choice: the soles of other shoes stick to the floor, they don’t show off my calves well….on and on.

The truth: SECURITY BLANKET.

Simple.

Whatever worked for me became a security blanket, one which I could hide behind. For me and dancing it was the shoes, at least a bottle of lovely Shiraz and some great friends. Actually I was like that with footwear in general, for important business meetings there were certain shoes or boots exclusively for the occasion. hmmm looks like my need to be a chameleon branches further than I thought.

My point is that during sobriety I’ve often felt like I’ve lost those dancing shoes. I’ve been discovering who I am and re-evaluating my priorities. This isn’t easy AT ALL. I am coming to accept that I’m not always going to be the life of the party, that in fact I’m pretty quiet. I enjoy people and fun but I take life pretty seriously for the most part. I actually having conversations more than I need the spotlight, who knew? I love to see others laugh, to know that someone is happy or enjoying life. Amazing that by becoming humble I am realizing that I’m OK. Pretty spectacular really. Well most days.

God is like putting on a pair of stiletto CFM boots were to a night out.

Weird to put my Lord and creator in a sentence with CFM but hey it’s a good analogy for me. The feeling of security which I used to find through other things is a constant feeling now in my life. I know that life’s difficult, that feeling all these emotions is tough, uncomfortable and icky but that God gave me the tools to get through the bs.

So today I raise my glass of plenty to God and thank him for my Armor of God which feels just as good as any stiletto CFM boots I’ve ever owned!