Losing yourself to fear

When you woke up today, did you take any time to quietly reflect and plan your day? Did you find inspiration and motivation to get moving from your goals? Do you truly know who you are, are you connected to your true path? Are you certain that no matter what challenges you face today, you can handle it well?

It took life changing events for me to get to the place where I can answer yes to these questions, before these events I did have goals but they were of a superficial nature and certainly had nothing to do with my authentic self. I wanted to provide the revenue for my family to experience the things in life we desired. I was motivated to perform well at work and climb the ladder to increase this revenue and succeed at the challenge. There were so many motivations but looking back I can see how I was skimming the surface of the life I have the opportunity to lead. I was chasing happiness, the feeling of a true purpose and consistently coming up empty.

One of my goals is to spread the word to people that a truly meaningful life is achievable, with some effort. It’s not going to happen by floating along with the tide of life. The first step is to stand within this flow of life and learning who you truly are, so that you can trust and love yourself.

What I am suggesting isn’t to quit a job, leaving a marriage or giving up because you’re not “happy” but to look into why you’re unhappy. There is nothing wrong with seeking success, that’s healthy! What is wrong is to seek success without performing a personal inventory and genuinely knowing your talents, gifts and who your core self is.

Recently I had a chat with a friend who is on the tail end of an unhealthy relationship, she is miserable. The future looks so vast without the relationship that she has become almost immobilized by fear. Suddenly her mind is viewing the relationship as perfect, she can only focus upon what she did wrong and the loss is magnified in a fantasy-story like way. Merely a month ago she knew in her core that  it was going nowhere, that she and he were totally incompatible and they were creating drama and making each other miserable. What happened, why is she grieving so hard?


Change can be frightening, in the past when it was upon me I often felt fearful of the unknown. I would scramble and try to match up the pieces upon my path to make the journey smoother. This worked some of the time, but it was always a draining effort based out of fear and at times, I was left feeling that life was moving too quickly for me to keep up.

If my friend trusted herself, really knew her core self, she would be able to see the forest in spite of the trees in her way. She would see that she has value just as she is, have confidence that she can handle anything. It’s fine to be sad, life’s not easy at times; but losing yourself in life’s “worldly” challenges is not an option!

How did I find myself? Well I was left with no choice, between admitting I was an alcoholic and then losing many of my physical and mental abilities in a car accident, I had been stripped of much of who I was.

There I sat facing a life which was DRASTICALLY different that the high-achieving one I was familiar with and yet I didn’t weep, although there are days where I’m filled with despair I am filled with the secure knowledge that I have value and worth!

I have this serenity because I decided to be honest with myself, to look at my past behaviors and realize that I needed to change them. Dr. Phil’s motto of “how’s that workin’ for ya?” echos in my head as I type this, but it’s true. I’d become so good at manipulating my life that I lost my focus on who I actually was.

I found my worth by turning to my faith, but giving up the power of choice in my life to God. I became willing to live for Him and His purpose rather than my own self-seeking ones which had led me to this point. I had found humility and it washed over me, allowing me to see myself through His eyes. I learned (slowly) to love myself and to appreciate the life that is offered to me.

During hard times we have choices: we can go with it knowing that we can handle it with God’s direction, by being in close relationship with Him and trusting in ourselves. Or we can repeat past behaviors, attempting to handle it all and making the same patterns we had in the past.

For me, it was an awakening, I am truly changed…..or perhaps my outward self is changed, while my core self finally has a chance to shine through.

As for my friend, we will work through this together using meditation, relaxation techniques we will seek a calm state where she can begin the evaluation process. I will also pray for her, knowing that God will provide.

So back to you all, are you taking time to be truly entrenched in your authentic self as you go through your days in this World? What efforts are you doing for others, are you connected to God and plugged into the opportunities he presents to you?

 By simply being kind to ourselves, loving and patient we can achieve true success!

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3 Responses

  1. I read something once, that I try to tell everyone who is questioning a decision, “If FEAR is the main motivation behind your decision, then that’s not a decision.”

    I always think on that. And remember to not let FEAR put the answer in my mouth for me.

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