I am up north in Muskoka, Ontario enjoying some time away. The girls and I are in cottage country, Hubby will join us next week. This is an opportunity to slow things down, and man it is an amazing blessing for me.
Before my car accident we didn’t take holidays in the summer.
Generally speaking we took a day here or there and we tended to extend long weekends.
With 4 day weekends we could visit lots of friends and do the home renos we loved.
If I had taken a full week, I probably would have gone nuts. Much of who I was at the time, was defined by my career. I took too much pride in my title and my performance. The only time I took a week off was to go to Jamaica with hubby for a week and even with the all-inclusive bar I was struggling. I would head to the lobby every morning, raising a fuss because high tides had knocked out the internet.
And yet here I sit, alone in Muskoka enjoying this peace and quiet.
I have no titles, I have no career to busy me and there is nobody to lose myself in.
Why am I so happy?
What changed for me?
Everything frankly.
By finding my sobriety, learning to value myself as I am and following my 12 Step Program my relationship with God had a chance to flourish. My perspective changed, instead of seeing work I should do on myself, I ask what has God got for me to do today?
It wasn’t until I hit the point of desperation that I was willing to admit defeat.
That my busy life wasn’t working.
And after that, my life slowed down, I became humble.
When it was quiet, I began to become closer to God.
In those quiet times I read God’s word, listened to speakers online, listened for His word in my life and prayed.
I have learned that I don’t have to wear a fancy church hat for God to value me.
I don’t have to drive a certain car.
I don’t have to hide my past.
God accepts me as I am RIGHT NOW.
God already knows all the things in my past I am ashamed of.
How amazing is that?
Today as I sit quietly reflecting, I’m awed by the fact that I have been given a gift I don’t deserve. I didn’t earn this.
And yet I am determined to receive it well, I am willing.

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5 Responses

  1. Thank you so much for this post. Though I have 2 1/2 years of sobriety, I am really just beginning to embrace AA. Moving through recovery on my own is SO not working and even without my nightly two bottles of wine, I feel as emotionally immature and unsober as I did years ago. I related to EVERYTHING you wrote about your career and busyness. I am just coming to terms with the fact that my career really doesn't – or shouldn't – matter very much right now. I'd rather have a quiet, humble "career" and a fully recovered life than a fancy-schmantzy career and remain in this half-crazy state. Thanks so much for your inspiration…. lulu

  2. And willingness is the key!!Grace is receiving peace and serenity!! Insanity is creating drama and making life SO difficult.Wow, chica, God really had to rattle your cage (the accident) in order to capture your attention.I'm happy for you that you've found a meaning in all of this!!!Your family is richly blessed because of it.Enjoy!~d

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